I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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