if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
