i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The cops high fived after they tackled you
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
