i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
