Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
