I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
