I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
