I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
