My hair reeks of homosexuality.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
