Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
