There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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