I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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