You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
PANTIES FOUND
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
