I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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