I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
