I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
