you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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