Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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