I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
