I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
