we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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