either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Randomize
