im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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