I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
