He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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