I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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