the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
