In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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