I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
