So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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