Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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