Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
