the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
