i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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