Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
