How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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