i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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