dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
