Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
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