i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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