is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
