Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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