You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
