someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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