Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
