Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
