The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Randomize
