i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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