I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
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