I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I wish you could order shots online.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
