AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
