You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I think my moral compass just broke
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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